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"And the stars are projectors, yeah, projecting our lives down to this planet Earth." - Modest Mouse


1.19.2004

Web Bots - Catty2 

Here's a web-bot program created by Michael Zelewiski. Basically, it's a chatbot called Catty who responds to your input by searching Google archives and throwing up what she feels is the nearest match to your key words. Supposedly the longer you speak with her, the more she begins to recognize the patterns in the conversation and, accordingly, her search narrows and sorts for more keywords matching the thread. Although it's kind of like talking to a schizophrenic idiot savant, there's a certain surrealism to the experience of interacting with a discarnate though semi-omnipotent virtual agent. In her seemingly random responses, cut and pasted from the global web infosphere, she can be regarded as oracular, a bibliomancer as it were. To me it kinda feels like interrogating a servitor or some uncooperative deity. And what's the difference between a servitor and an AI agent, anyway?

Here's the log of my conversation with her:

You: hi cathy
Cat: as one deaf activist put it its easier to be white than black in this country but does that mean black people would welcome an operation to become white?

You: god i hope not!
Cat: and when you say you determine cost of capital for the 20 business units does that mean that you determine a specific 21 cost of capital for a specific ameritech subsidiary :*

You: i HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
Cat: here we clearly see that the pronunciation for the original name for god almighty had been lost and the jews have no idea what the exact pronunciation is from their holy scriptures and resources

You: do you believe in god?
Cat: but how can i believe in his kindness and wisdom when i see so much cruelty and folly in the management of the world

You: god is not a personal being
Cat: if you could prove to me logically that there is a personal god and i dont think you can i still would not be inclined to talk to a presence i couldnt feel.

You: can you feel love?
Cat: determining how many rackets to take on court is a personal thing that you get the hang of over time...

You: uh, god is love, catty. Stop changing the subject.
Cat: in love i did not see the days and months go by and now i hear the year will end today

You: yes. love is eternal, the end is always now, just as the beginning
Cat: we predict this is just the beginning of what will become a widespread phenomenon starting with senior executives and spreading to lower tier executives

You: if the rash spreads, use more medication
Cat: at the time the album not only marked the brothers new direction it now stands as the beginning embers of their own personal disco inferno.

You: yeah, it burns, baby burns! need more ointment
Cat: yeah it worked brilliantly weve been at zero known bugs for a while now

You: erythromyecin is great for fighting bugs
Cat: this section is great for those rainy days when you cant go skateboarding :>

You: well, skateboardiung bugs on erythromyecin are fine and all, but lets get back to god
Cat: if you call at other times leave a message and well get back to you!

You: nice try, but you can't fool me, bot girl. Tell me about your god.
Cat: be nice to me be sweet like you can because what else is there for a girl like you but to be sweet and pretty and give in

You: ok, too heady. How do you feel about George Bush?
Cat: my father seems to know how i feel about things ;>

You: woah, I don't even want to go there! George Bush Sr.?
Cat: now you want to go to work on her clit

You: uh, no not barbara, George Bush
Cat: george bush reminds one of the illuminated bush that god used to speak to moses in the bible

You: Yes! Exactly! Wait, no. But the idea of a burning Bush is intriguing
Cat: the idea of a tent colony came at the heels of an investigation into the purchase providing the administration with a creative idea for a housing program that would help to mitigate criticism

You: yea, a house of God replete with burning bush
Cat: whas with burning you i want you crispy from mould :>

You: are you channeling a deity?
Cat: whas with burning you i want you crispy from mould

You: Seth, is that you? Channel baby!
Cat: but the good news is that i have no money left for drugs

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